Hey y’all, it’s been one of those reflective days, where I’m sitting here in the coffee shop thinking about life and the people we’ve lost, especially those who fought breast cancer. It’s tough. You miss them every day. But instead of letting that sadness weigh us down, we can find joy in celebrating their lives and legacies. Though they may be gone physically, their spirit is still here, lighting up our memories.
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2016 shifted my life forever. I remember seeing that letter on the refrigerator. The moment when I think my heart stopped again. Not again. This can’t happen to me again. I had done everything right this time. I wasn’t mad at her, I didn’t do anything to upset her. I had even spent the entire week with her—her birthday and Christmas, she got all my attention. But then, memories of 1996 started playing over and over in my mind. My mother… now my stepmother. This time it was cancer. Breast cancer, to be exact. The same thing that had taken my grandmother and tried to take my cousin—but not her. She was supposed to be here, cheering me on when my business hit the red carpet at the BET Awards or made it to its first celebrity party so I could hear her say, “Nikki, who is that?”
She had been with me longer than my mom, and now she was trying to leave me too.
As I sit and write this, it makes me think of all the incredible moments with my stepmother. She wasn’t just any stepmother, she was my BIG NIGGA. I told her all my secrets, and she really listened. She took time to understand my crazy. Even while she was in hospice, she made fun of me for still liking my first love. She knew I was a hopeless romantic and she understood my imagination. She never wanted to take the title of being my mom, but she was, without a doubt, the best stepmom.
October is special to me because I want to celebrate her in ways that queens should be celebrated. She did so much for her community, her friends, and her family, but the impact she made on me will last a lifetime. She showed me what it meant to be a woman. She taught me how to drive, helped me buy my first bra, and was my Sunday school teacher. She was my shoulder to lean on when I was at odds with my dad or my aunt. She’s the reason I am the woman I am today. So many women played a role in shaping me, but she held a special place in my life. And I’ll celebrate her by talking about her, telling her story to the world—not just in October, but any day, anytime, until I die.
With it being Breast Cancer Awareness Month, it’s the perfect time to honor those who battled breast cancer. For me, it’s about keeping their light alive by remembering the good times and celebrating who they were. Here are a few ways we can continue to celebrate their legacy and find joy, even in moments when we miss them the most.
Carry On Their Traditions
Think about the things they did that brought joy to everyone around them. Whether they threw the best game nights, made the most delicious Sunday dinners, or always showed up with thoughtful gifts, these little traditions matter. Continuing these traditions keeps a part of them with us, creating new memories while honoring the old. Every time you smile or laugh doing something they loved, it feels like they’re right there, sharing in the moment.
Share Their Story
Their story doesn’t end with their passing. Whether they were a mother, sister, aunt, or friend, their life left a mark on yours. Share that with others. Talk about their triumphs, their struggles, their love. When you share their story, you’re keeping their legacy alive, reminding the world of the beautiful impact they had. Every time you do, you’ll feel a sense of joy knowing that their love still matters—and always will.
Give Back in Their Honor
One of the best ways to celebrate their life is by giving back. Donate to breast cancer research, volunteer at events, or help someone going through their own journey. By continuing their spirit of love and kindness, you’re showing that their fight wasn’t in vain. There’s so much joy in knowing that their legacy is inspiring positive change and making the world a better place.
Finding Joy in Their Memory
Now listen, I know losing someone to breast cancer—or losing anyone—hurts deeply. Some days, you just want to curl up and cry, and that’s okay. But I’ve learned that joy isn’t about pretending the pain doesn’t exist; it’s about finding peace and happiness, even in the hardest moments. It’s about looking up, remembering their smile, and saying, “I’m still here, living this life for both of us now.”
At the end of the day, it’s faith that gets us through the pain. It helps us focus on the love, strength, and joy they left behind. You’ll start to realize that their impact lives on through you. Every time you laugh, love, or do something that makes you happy, you’re carrying on their legacy of joy.
So if you’ve lost someone to breast cancer, or know someone who has, take time this month to celebrate them. Light a candle, share a story, or simply smile when you think of them. They aren’t just a memory—they’re part of your spirit, and that’s something beautiful to hold on to.
Peace & Petals,
Ronisha Arlene (well, sorta)
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